“How lucky I am to have someone who makes saying goodbye so hard.” Winnie the Pooh

Before Sergey came this summer, Clint and I had a discussion about saying goodbye to him at the end.  Or maybe more like a monologue by me of all the reasons why I would NOT be able to do it and how I might literally die, followed by Clint making this comment: “I think it will actually be easier because we know we will see him again and eventually he will be here forever.” That is what he said.  This is what I heard: “I think it will actually be easier blah blah blah blah …”  Are. You. Insane.  How could it POSSIBLY in ANY actual universe where people are living to say goodbye to the young man who we now know would one day be our son????? As my boys are quite fond of saying, “ARE you KIDDING ME?????”  Fast forward to today, the day the sweet boy has left our home.  And now I see that he was right.  Yes, honey, you were right.  I was wrong.  As I’ve cried, moped, cried some more, and just basically slumped around the house all day being miserable (and continuing to not cook or clean, but for different reasons), I have realized that it is easier because we have him.  He is ours, whether or not it is official, whether or not he lives here yet. He is in our hearts and part of our family, forever.  When he left the last time, we felt hopeless.  We thought we might never see him again, and that fear sidelined me emotionally for quite some time (sorry to those of you who had to live through that ;-).  This time, we just have to say goodbye, knowing there will be another hello.  There will be several heart-tearing, gut-wrenching goodbyes, as well as several joy-down-to-your-toes-and-scream-out-loud-with-happiness hellos, but eventually he will be here.  Forever.  And that makes it all so very much better.  Which means even today that you can talk to me and ask me how I am without being concerned that I may become completely unhinged and sob uncontrollably all over you.  You might still get a few tears, but not tears of desperation, just tears of sadness-full-of-hope.  And that is a lot better :-).Image

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